Conflict, relationships and our own space within the fabric of human relationships is not easy to fully comprehend; nor is our behavior or choices we must make. When we attempt to resolve conflict, resolution is only possible as far as it depends on the least peaceable element. For this reason, God tenderly asks us to remember.....As much as it depends on YOU, be at peace; then entreats us to walk away from those who are not willing to receive your peace.
In Luke 17:1-3 Jesus was counseling the disciples regarding human relations:
"It is inevitable that stumbling blocks should come.......but WOE TO HIM WHO THROUGH WHOM THEY COME!" "It would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck and he were thrown into the sea, than that he should CAUSE one of these little ones to stumble" Be on your guard!! If your brother sins REBUKE HIM; if he .......REPENTS.....forgive him..
We do not always remember this verse clearly. Sometimes others emotions can persuade us to sooth them instead of driving them toward the Lord God. Sometimes we are too selfish desiring them to be reconciled with us so WE feel comfortable...... But to repent means to turn away from the behavior which does not align with God and to actually change the thoughts you have to His and allow them to take root so you will take those actions moving forward. This is how He transforms us into Peacemakers.
So when life circumstances begin to pull at the moral fibers and test every fiber of your integrity, do not fear....you will not unravel. The truth is our moral fiber is woven together in the Holy Spirit and God will not allow this thread to disappoint. Knowing what God stated about the one who causes your fiber to be pulled till you think it would snap, but for the grace of God......shouldn't we cast our cares and fears upon Him and pray for the person before they take a serious plunge?We have covered these points in the past, but today....I needed this review! So I felt as though someone else might want a reminder as well:
First Point:We are a thread which God is desiring to use to darn wholes in a very bad weave job. He has a magnificent "coverlet of love" which has been misused, worn out and is not blanketing those who desperately need His swaddling.
Second Point:Darning defined by Meridian Dictionary as: to mend with interlacing stitches. The Free Dictionary stated it is to mend ( a garment, for example) by weaving thread or yarn across a gap or hole.
Third Point: In order for a fabric to have integrity the weaves have to be perfectly laid out and pulled. Also the fiber of each thread must have integrity. Integrity is defined as: the quality or state of being complete or undivided. Knowing this helps us understand this verse:
Ecc. 4:12 And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart.My love to each of you. May you feel me tuck each one of you in under His mighty blanket of love; and hear the sweet song of His heart as you drift of to sleep tonight.
“Fee Fi Fo Fum, ask not whence the thunder come. For between heaven and earth it’s a perilous place, home to a fearsome giant race. Who hunger to conquer the mortals below, waiting for the seeds of revenge to grow…”
The original usages of this rhythmic statement was by Shakespeare (not exact phrasing) and versions of Jack and the Beanstalk. Maybe sometime we will get to the deeper applications, however today we are keeping our focus on this perilous place / earth, the mortals we are amidst and the seeds planted. Let's look at how the giant was aware of a smelly foe in his house. His character aside and the reason for searching out the intruder, upon catching a whiff of the displeasing odor, he was proactive about protecting his property. Questions: Can we smell the stench and spot the fakes among us? Would we run after them in confidence bellowing, "FEE, FI, FAUX-FRIEND!"
Knowing this might be a bit abstract, I'll explain further: We know what a faux finish is, they have been used for over 5,000 years. As this creative expression evolved, over time, great recognition was awarded to artists who could actually trick viewers into believing their work was the real thing. This is creative expression and not a bad thing. God is not against things being improved or evolving to a higher form to reach their best; but He is angered by a con job:
Matthew 23:27. Hypocrites!
For you are like whitewashed tombs--beautiful on the outside but filled on the
inside with dead people's bones and all sorts of impurity.
Not everyone desires relationships for healthy reasons. But have you noticed they never tell you this upfront? They con us to lure us in. We must also realize not all people understand that they are unhealthy and hurt people. Some people keep trying, but will not accept wisdom, therefore they continually leave wreckage all around them. Our focus here is not them however, it is being able to identify the faux-friends.
Persons not desiring a mutual balanced relationship all have the same pattern. As soon you allow them in and they are feeling relatively confident of your faith in the scam, they will begin letting a string or two of their suit unravel to see or test how you handle it. One of their most subtle threads is when you speak they will slightly discount you; this will go on till they have successfully muted you. Don't be surprised. The reason why is quiet obvious; they must always be in control of the string pulling and only expose what they think they can distort. If you can still see clearly, they are at a disadvantage.
It will play out something like this: you see something and it doesn't agree with the storyline you have been told, so you speak up to clarify. All healthy relationships are built on trust and awareness, it is how intimacy is built and protected. They test the relationship, to qualify their skill and your buy in. If they need to back you off because they are too exposed they will do something like:
Turn up their voice or cut yours off
Walk beyond the reach of your voice, if your voice won't stop walk out
Stick around to show you how much they do not care / disconnect their empathy for you
Once you are stabilized they will reenter as if nothing happened to toss you a few crumbs. If you appear to have forgotten about it, then all is well. Do not think they get scared of being exposed. This is their goal. To be totally exposed and you not react is their sweet spot. We get discombobulated because we try to make it something mysterious and hidden, instead of plain as the nose on our face. This was the reason God did not want us to have knowledge of good and evil. It kills relationships, which destroys our very life. Proverbs 26:25 tells us a bit about their disguise:
They pretend to be kind, but don't believe them. Their hearts are full of many evils.
As evil as their actions are, the real devastation is the harm inflicted upon your heart, mind and soul. Will you allow their lack of loving kindness to damage you? Will they change you? Will you loose who you are and become like them? May that NEVER be!
We all change, as we have been discussing, but we do not all change for the better. We all grow up, but we do not all mature. We know all things affect the great picture and if you do not believe this is true now, I pray to God that you realize it prior to horribly affecting tender soul. Yesterday we were discussing the reality of all conversations. These immaterial things alter the universe forever. We cannot be muted or erase, that is the good news.
All relationships shift, so we must not hold on so to them. Christ even said to the women at the tomb not to cling to Him because He had not received His resurrected body. We are to allow Him to cling to us, receive our fulfillment from relating with Him. But this doesn't let faux-friends off the hook. We are responsible for our actions and inactivity is still active. It is just a negative action.
When our "someone" accepts our invitation of relationship, we are so excited that good things pour from us with out even realizing we are doing them; at least for some of us. However, if it is not mutual the imbalance will negatively affect your energy. If the person who accepted the invite was not interested in a real relationship you will begin to feel unappreciated. Since this was the only reason they wanted in, when your energy levels drop and your good tidings wain a bit, they will begin grumbling and complaining.
If you stick around, or do not find space from these types of individuals you may get worn down by the constantly bombarding of convoluted precepts and intentions. If you still don't do something your spirit begins to grieve and you soul sinks down. Again, this where they want you; this is their payoff. Now they have a space where they don't have to keep their uncomfortable suit on. Will you just lay down and give up your space? It is never too late to rise up and shout "Fee, FI, Faux-Friend!"
Friday, we discussed the crumb tossers, and how they starve us to get us to chase after their crumbs. We do not wait for a whole cracker to be presented. Think about how Satan did this to Jesus in the desert, just before he offered him the worldly suit. Christ had to be starving, it had been 40 days and He had no food. But He did not listen did he? He said man will not live by bread alone, but by the very word which preceds from the mouth of God. So let's not grovel for their crumbs. Let's get our crackers from the Lord, okay?
Our last point today is this: Discern if those you are listening to, and preferring (like husbands and wives are supposed to prefer each other and the body of Christ is to prefer each other) are they encourager's or discourager's? If no matter how hard you try to be something positive in their life and you get only crumbs in return. Chances are they have no cracker they are "willing" to extend your way. They would have already done it without you groveling for it.
Do not stay close to someone who is disonnected to how their life affects others. Also do not allow people in who can define a problem really well, but don't have a propensity to extend compassionate efforts to give you a better relationship just because they can. Do not become any ones mute point. God created you to add dimension to this world, He is delighted with your beauty. And whether anyone else EVER truly is a real friend to you or not, He will continue to do a good work with your life.
In other words, only let people in your sweet spot who want to be around you because you make them want to be a better person. These are the people to hand an invite to. They will keep you energize because they enjoy being with you, sojourning. And you know what, this will make YOU want to be a better person just because you know you can be, not because if you don't they won't throw you one of their disgusting crumbs!
Below is a clip from As Good As It Gets. Even if you have see it before I encourage you to watch it. Think about how we pull out our measuring tapes and size up who we invite in. People even you and I hurt others, but we don't have to break them - that is a choice. Lastly, if your sweet spot gets ransacked, don't get so desperate that you accept just any crumb. Let them prove they are they are a worthy, equal suitor for the spot. Use lots of healthy honest dialogue, I guarantee it you talk with them long enough their threads will unravel and they will have to run for cover.
I pray that you have many people surrounding you telling you that YOU make THEM want to be a better person. I also pray that they love you so well that eve when they have a stray string, you cover them in case some fabric flies off.
A Penny saved is a penny earned - With debt being what it is due to greed and lack of delaying
gratification, this saying has more meaning than ever.We need to pray about how we spend our pennies
– it matters, they do not come easily. But they sure do GO quickly.But this is not our direct topic today;
however, it does have relevance.
We have been speaking about being proven trust worthy. Let’s
say: Trust Kept is Trust Earned.We can
only earn trust if an opportunity is given.When the invitation is in our hand, we then have an opportunity to give them proof of our faithfulness.If no one accepts our invitation, then no one will become our trusted friend.This is why God first loved us, then offered
something which could be trusted, His dear son’s very life.Christ is out here begging for an opportunity
to be proven faithful 24/7 and God asks us to test him on His faithfulness to
His promises.
So many people demand our trust, before they have given us
anything real to validate that it is a “wise investment”.Without a product to sell, it is a scam.Rather like the good old “Brooklyn Bridge
Scam”But it does not stop the con artist from
ripping us off does it.They look good;
they have their portfolios all backed and swear on their good character or
name.If we do not take the leap of
faith, they also have tales to attempt to shame us for being cautious as they dangle the what might-have been's before us.In the end, we have to accept the truth that, we the person,
are of no interest to them.That is the
REAL bottom line.They will be moving on
to someone else who will give them what they want – it’s not personal!
But this is not right, that is why it hurts.If anything, life is supposed to be
personal.That is ALL it is about,
people and relationships.What has
happened to humanity, so many of us are unconscionable? People have no ears to
hear themselves, how they interact, the words they hurl toward others, how
disconnected they are.They do not feel
well at all, but if they were sick or hurt they sure would notice that they do
not feel well at all – did you catch the difference?There is a large one.
None of us have room to be offended, because we ARE the
offender.Maybe not all the time to each
other, but we ALL are all the time to God’s son; end of story!He has already let us off the hook.He is not offended; He gladly paid the price
for all our offenses.He does get hurt
when we reject His gift and keep on hurting others though.He gets jealous when we worship other God’s
and thumb our nose at Him.But HE never
stops loving us, reaching out to us and attempting to show us what is real.
In 2 Corinthians chapter 5 we are given a beautiful picture
of Christ giving his life so that we can be tailored with a new suit of
favor.It states that he does not hold
our past sins against us.I can see him
fitting us, stretching out his tape measure and holding up the material.Our new label reads Gods Favor, but there are
people selling other suits claiming that they are “tailor made” for us.These knock offs are hard to distinguish at
first glance. As we stated, con’s are good at their trade.Satan tried to con Jesus into choosing his
knock off over God’s tailor made suit of honor in Matthew 4:8 we are told.The devil showed Christ his best stuff and
said I will fit you in my best suit of glory if you will just bow down and
worship me.You can have it all…..why
continue suffering when you have this right at your fingertips.I am sure this one rolled out “Don’t you
deserve it Jesus, really now…..think about it….after all you’d been through and
done? Think about yourself for a minute!
These con’s and distortions are being touted amidst us and
even coming out of our very own mouths much of the time.If we are willing to be honest, we will
acknowledge it, if not….we’ll move on.
For the next few days I want you to pause and think about
all the conversations going on around you, because they do not stop. They are
not only around us, they are within us, in our hearts and mind.We have discussed this topic often. How will
you view them?How will you approach them? What will you say
when it is your time to speak up? Each conversation is real, even if you are
having it alone.If it is a memory, we
project others into them; we speak for them and give them our own perspective.We project and set future events and God says
this actually puts future events into motion.IF they were not real, they would not change us or the happenings in our
life.
Second point we want to think about is this: Any conversation which you keep, even if to ponder if you
are going to keep it or toss it out, you agree there is some validity to it, or you would have already tossed it.If we make room for the things we “hold against “our self or others
in our closet, we will be pulling them out and sporting them, or dressing someone else in them. Sometimes we don't like what is in our closet and we want to find someone else to throw it off on - after all, isn't that the nice thing to do. Sometimes, we just think our stuff is really great and believe everyone would look better if they just dressed like us.
But what about when we take it a step further and begin to tailor them in our own creations? We pull out our measuring tape and size them up. We hold up our fabrications and drape them well. What a prideful, arrogant thing to do. Now think about how offended we become when someone likes what their own clothes better. What do we do when people do not want to change just because we said so?
The reason we need to be trust worthy before someone considers our opinions is because we are supposed to be helping them with discerning their look, confronting them with objective feedback and telling them when they have pulled out a suit with the wrong label. But we are to do this in love, not rip their garments off and mock their choices.Proverbs 19:11 states that “sensible
people control their temper; they earn respect by overlooking wrongs.
Let's not treat others as though they are misfits. Remember, they have a personal designer who knew exactly how He wanted to dress them. He knew how each design would be fashioned to show off His creative genius. Before we choose to
cast our opinions out there, I pray we pause and withdraw our critical eye, stop reforming them into our own image and then look again. I pray we see them.....really see them and become overtaken by His glorious finished work.
Today, I pray that we look around in appreciation of the
ministry of reconciliation and thank God that we all are well suited in favor
and being worn by Christ himself.
Throw out the mocker, and fighting goes too. Quarrels and
insults will disappear. ~Proverbs 22:10
Whoever corrects a mocker invites insult; whoever rebukes a
wicked man incurs abuse. Do not rebuke a
mocker or he will hate you; rebuke a wise man and he will love you. Instruct a wise man and he will be wiser still;
teach a righteous man and he will add to his learning. ~ Proverbs 9:7-9
We have been studying what God lovingly teaches us to use
for discerning faithful and worthy characteristics of safe relationships. He does not desire for us to be harmed but he
will not take us out of harm’s way – we must choose if we will allow others to
harm us or if we will get out of His way.
In the past we spoke about running and how there is a time
and a place for all things under the sun.
We must look around to see if we are running away from being exposed or
if we are running to avoid a major collision.
This means we must take a journey back to the intersections which caused
the dis-ease.
This is the space where many sojourners go walk-about in our
groups, but this is not a bad thing…..as far as the health of our journey
groups. You see, we need safety in order
to not be harmed emotionally. If we do
not have this, there is no balance; which is what creates the dis-ease. Unfortunately, it is also a culprit for many
of the pervasive diseases we deal with as well.
If you are willing to stay, even if you do not join a
regular group, please consider sitting with the information we are discussing
and just think about it. If you are
feeling as if you will be experiencing an interrogation room, where you will be
locked away with an authoritative accuser; then you are precisely who needs to
sit right down and cuff yourself to the table ;)
You might want to plead your 5th amendment rights
as you read, but that’s your right! I
hope that whatever you do, you ask for your legal counsel, then have faith in
Him to do what He has proven to be the BEST at.
He will not allow you to be trapped or condemned – He will be like OJ’s
attorney, “If it doesn’t fit….you must acquit!”
So just take a deep breath….an honest look and search for
the peace which will bring you rest.
Otherwise, you will just be arrested, again and again.
The next few weeks will bring an end to all our journeys and
ensure we have a proven and faithful body to support us as we venture together
starting in April.
Things to think about:
·Safe people welcome questions
·Unsafe people do not want to be exposed
·Safe people get hurt and sometimes harmed by relating/ communicating with unsafe folks
Although all relationships are hurtful, because we are
human, unsafe people hurl hurt to keep others farther away. They only allow people in who help them keep
cover. If you do not have any safe
people in place, we will address that at a later date.
·When someone confronts you with a situation they are uncomfortable with, are you able to just listen to them – for a reasonable amount of time?
·Is your first response, “I’m sorry that I have hurt you, or I can see how you would feel this way?”
·Is your first response, “I do this because……” “Do you remember when………” or “Do you realize……”?
·Are you able to compassionately ask how or what you do which causes them pain?
·Are you open, even vulnerable to asking for their help in correcting this dynamic in order to be a safe space for them to find friendship?
·Are you most concerned about being right and them acknowledging your point of view?
·Are you most concerned about being respectful, compassionate, authentic and expressing concern for the hurt that they are enduring, sharing and attempting to resolve?
If we do not value the opportunities where we see an
imperfect image, we will never see that our character does not suit the image
in which we were created to be seen and relate.
If we are not suited to be a safe person, well that simply doesn't fit
us well at all.
Check your reflection today, see if you suit fits. But do not just allow anyone to help you
refit it; you could end up with something worse!
I pray that you go about in Love, seeking peace as you
extend peace today.
