God tells us not to lean on our own understanding. He also tells us that His thoughts are not like our thoughts. He is omnipresent, seeing the end of all time from the beginning of all time. We cannot begin to perceive as He does. However, we can believe that He desires for us to be happy and then ask Him to explain our situations to us in ways that we may mature and be stable.
Not only do I work with people surviving domestic violence, I also have lived through it. There were times when I was told that God sometimes wants these things to happen to us for various reasons. I do not agree. I believe that God desires us to love one another and to treat each other as He loves us. But we decide we do not want to. Much like a toddler when they say NO, I don't want to.
God is not going to force us to change, but He will change us completely when we say okay, I want to change. Why will they not just stop doing what they do, is another common question I get asked. If any of us could just make all new habits and never fail, we would be the most self disciplined people God created. This is what the pharisees and Sadducee's accomplished, rigid discipline.
The problem with rules without love, is that while we can push ourselves to do right, we usually do not love others well. The reason is our focus is always on our self, how we look, how good we are doing as we compare our self to others. This causes hatred, bitterness, isolation and many other ugly things.
God understands that we cannot change without first being loved well. It is through being loved completely that we are completely changed. Do not think that God will put you in a place and abuse you in order to help another. God, will use isolation, hard times and other things to get a rebellious souls to say "mercy". There are times however, when others will be in your space, maybe friends, parents, a spouse or siblings and they will decide "I don't want to treat you right!" "I don't want to stop!" These are the times when God's holy spirit will be right with you grieving and beseeching you to not retaliate due to hurt emotions.
God expects us to be at peace, first with Him, then with others so that we may be at peace with ourselves. When others mistreat us - God will help us deal righteously. Romans 8 explains that just because evil was done, does not mean that evil will win out. God will turn their hurts into help for someone else. You see God doesn't need to harm us in order to teach us - But if we are not listening or others get onto our paths and create chaos, He is perfectly able to rectify the situation.
Look at all that Christ encountered.....Isn't that proof?
Have faith - believe in God and Love all He created - That's justice and the heart of a victor!