December 6, 2011

But I want to go NOW!


Simon Peter said to Him "Lord where are you going?  Jesus answered "Where I go you cannot follow me Now; but you shall follow me later.  Peter said to Him " Lord why can I not follow you right now?"  "I will lay down my life for you."  John 13:36 -38
I assume, due to the large amount of errors in my posting, that everyone knows much of what I load here is like a puzzle.  We go forward and backward while adding precious new pieces each week.  Much like Peter we "think" we've got the bull by the horns, but then we realize we are merely hanging on for dear life :).

Today we are starting off with my perplexity as I was attempting to converse with God today.  He tied so many things together very nicely for me - He's so good like that! 

The opening of my journal was much like other days: December 6, 2011 under which I wrote Hi Dad. It was at that moment that all these thoughts came storming at me and I had no clarity what so ever.  I said to myself, don't you take him seriously?  He is LORD GOD ALMIGHTY and you think you can just say "HI Dad?". 

I immediately tried to blow it off and wrote: I AM.  there is a dash and I wrote through Christ, in unity I come - but then I just laid my pen down and stopped.  I picked it back up out of frustration and wrote "that sounds so "theological" DAD.  We are one just as you and Christ were before creation - now so are we.  We are spread as a covering knit together with your Holy Spirit.  Sanctified so that I may participate in your body, you are constantly refining my mind, abilities and skill.  You draw me in from the outer banks, set me upon your river to cast the deepest of your ways out from my body - from the riches you have placed within me, to lure those in need into your protection, wisdom and guidance.

You desire me to release the past in order to participate in "the moment".  I See - deception is trying to lure me to drop my participation by diverting my attention upon those things.  We cannot save souls if we are easily distracted - wait, that is disjointed, we do not save souls.  We participate in YOUR rescue mission.

If we are off center our lure will be moving them toward what WE are moving toward and they will be following us into a mighty snare.  GOT IT!

Today driving home I was thinking about how we strive to know with a desire to understand which stems from our intent to know YOU better.  But somehow you get left out except to "pick" your brain.

Are we truly THAT selfish Dad?  I desire to "want" to abide with you, in you and you in me in all ways.  You went on to tell me that we do not need to know beyond the abiding we are simply to move as you move - listen in all ways to what you are thinking so you perceive their thoughts and ways.  Looking ahead for the most omnipresent purposeful directive for their good.  You see through it God we must see it through in order to SEE what you saw!  Which made me remember what you taught me about experiential knowledge being valued far beyond a well laid plan. 

You went on to explain how we hear you then we want to understand so we seek answers, wisdom, you word.  We pray for wisdom and discernment because you instruct us to do so.  We love you and we desire to please you, but even in this we must check the lure of our soul.

So I asked myself, "Oh soul, WHY do you strive to please God?"  "What do you INTEND to gain?"  Scary thing is I could feel my soul sink in shame as it licked it's lips thinking about knowing things so it could find liberty from vulnerable moments of helplessness.  But quickly my spirit said come on over and let's do this together.  Don't run away, I know your thoughts, fears, pain and deep sorrows.  Trust me it's so much better if you relax and enjoy just where you are, doing and learning as you perceive what the Lord has in store for this day:
         No more darkness, No more pain, No more sorrow to fill this space. For now we are on this battlefield, but this day will not forever stand.  We charge against the enemies by seeing through their lies.  Our eyes do not perceive all ways, so we must lay down to His.  We cannot walk up to the mountain top and stand to fight here today.  So trust His loving guidance. He will not withhold one vital thing - but He will avert the wise. 

Take a deep breath; let's lock our hands; together we'll form a band.  Encircled we're bound, the victory for them; for He is so mighty and strong.  Stay in the light for here there is hope nothing shall be lost by His hand.  Although the winds blow - His word calms the storm so open your mouth send His voice. 

Today they will hear - Today they will perceive and give glory for the sight they receive.
This is my prayer for us all today to pause and check our soul's intent and for the spirit of God to search the depths of all things in all ways here on earth today.  Find comfort in this, peace and joy because He offers it.

In Christ - Forever Bound,
Kisses,
C

Tomorrows topic Peter, Preserves and Isaiah - till then!