August 29, 2011

Going Against the Flow

The study of Job brought us so much insight into the reality of our own thoughts and how they impact our actions, as well as true faith in God.  We will now start to honestly look at our battle fields to accurately surmise the placement of our battle lines.  We want to be sure we are fighting the "good fight". 

The important thing to realize is that we are not in a battle with each other as we do this - we are here to help each other "when appropriate" - but mainly we are here to work on our own areas in the companionship of others.  So.....we sojourn!

Today, I am posting this by Os Hillman - I felt it was an apropos ending to Job and entry into Bold Beauty. I pray that you simply walk in peace and look around you today - stop looking toward everyone else today and truly notice your approach toward them, your encounter with them and reflect on how your extensions of peace are operating. 

It is "our" responsibility to enter onto another persons space with our peace extended as an offering.  And only upon invitation by that person.  Whether they accept it or not is not our battle or a good fight.  We must love!  Take your rejection to God if they refuse it, kick the dust from your shoes and pray that they receive peace from God, heavens knows they must first accept the peace Christ left or they will devour yours in greed giving nothing in return.

My love to you all,

"But the whole assembly talked about stoning them." Numbers 14:10a

Have you ever had to stand up against the majority for a cause that wasn't popular? God brought the Israelites out of Egypt and promised He would lead them into a land of milk and honey. The process of moving out of Egypt was difficult. They could no longer do things the old way, for the old ways didn't work in the desert. God provided for them during this journey. But there came a point in which the people forgot what God had said. Their discomfort changed their belief about God.
Whenever God is slow to answer our prayers, what we believe about God is revealed. Do we change our plans and move in a different direction when pressure mounts? Or do we continue on the path God has directed for us? Four men believed what God said and were willing to stand; however, the crowd wanted to stone them.
Then Moses and Aaron fell facedown in front of the whole Israelite assembly gathered there. Joshua son of Nun and Caleb son of Jephunneh, who were among those who had explored the land, tore their clothes and said to the entire Israelite assembly, "The land we passed through and explored is exceedingly good. If the Lord is pleased with us, He will lead us into that land, a land flowing with milk and honey, and will give it to us. Only do not rebel against the Lord. And do not be afraid of the people of the land, because we will swallow them up. Their protection is gone, but the Lord is with us. Do not be afraid of them." But the whole assembly talked about stoning them. Then the glory of the Lord appeared at the Tent of Meeting to all the Israelites (Numbers 14:5-10).
Notice Joshua and Caleb's response to the situation. They had spied the land. They believed God. They challenged the crowd. They seemed to know that if the Lord was not pleased with them they would not enter into the Promised Land. Those who grumbled did not enter the Promised Land. Only Joshua and Caleb and a new generation saw the fulfillment of God's promise.
Has God called you to stand for a cause bigger than yourself? You will have opposition to His call; sometimes it even comes from those in your own camp. But if God has called you, then you can be sure He will make a way. He has already opened the way before you. But you must walk in faith, joined with Him to take the land. "...Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go" (Joshua 1:9). ~ By Os Hillman TGIF Today God Is First Volume 1

August 27, 2011

Will Job Justify God, or Justify Job?

Beautiful Saturday Morning My Friends!

Two things before we finish up with Job today.  It was wonderful to meet some new faces yesterday, thank you all for joining us and opening up your thoughts, hearts and lives in such trust and humility.  I am always so incredibly humbled myself (and at times convicted for which I am grateful) through our encounters.  AND thank you for the lovely card, again, you all take such strides to make sure you encourage me and show me such love...…….

We came full circle with God’s relationship with Job and what we can glean from it in the present.  For those of you who could not be with us, we missed you as well as your perspectives.  Take the next few days to read through this and make your journal entries – I would love some feedback!

Here is what we saw as we walked the final pages:

We noticed that we had seen Job cry out to God and speak what He believes to be truth, but we had not seen him sit intimately “with God”.  We heard him ask rhetorical questions, but there was no invitation for God to correct Job’s lack of understanding.  He spoke about when he was going to approach God, in my opinion it was more of a tough guy display for those gathered around.  We still heard no tender need.

Recently, I had this experience myself – coincidence, I think not.  I noticed that when I am hurting and vulnerable with a certain person I am no longer willing to allow that tender place to be squashed by their anticipated dead weight haphazardly plopping itself onto the tender unprotected ground.  So I use a wall of defense to protect it, and anger to stand in front of it daring this person to knock me down. 

In case you are unaware – no matter how the other person has treated me to build this defense up, isn’t healthy for me, or the other person.  I have to trust God and get away from the wrecking ball.  This is not my battle my territory has to stay open and inviting…….but we have to know who is not supposed to be in the inner courts of our kingdom.  If you are not familiar with our studies of this and want more information, please let me know and I will give you the archives titles.  (Good news, we will be starting this again on a different level this week!)

As for Job, we also have not seen the first person praying to invite God to speak.  Everyone has been speaking about him saying they consider the wise things of God and their own perceptions or proverbs.  However biblical the theory might be the use has been generic in its practicality.  Job desired counsel; he was imploring friendship and comfort by those that loved him.  He actually NEEDED someone to allow him to be “human” and NOT so strong for everyone else so that he could dispose of his grief and find stability.

 As Job was slammed with their weight, he did what I have been doing – he took the battle stance of defense, opened up his mouth and spewed facts about God, life, pain and despair.   He was saying, shut the gates and grow a heart “Friend”.  You are supposed to be safe, you are supposed to let me be real; you’re supposed to sit with me, let me hold on to something that isn’t going to crush under the weight I feel.  But when I reach out you are like a vapor, nothing of substance or sturdiness is there so I fall – HELP ME!

This is actually good news for Job, he now sees that these people are hurting him, not helping him.  So, he does what any God loving person should do……He starts to pull himself up by his boot straps, thinking logically based on God.  I kind of see him hitting the wall and shaking his head like a cartoon.  He has some sense knocked into him.  He has to explain to these guys, look I was grieving.  I did not really want to die, I just wanted this nonsense to stop, it hurts, it’s uncomfortable……can’t you relate? 

Job doesn’t like that his stature in the eyes of those around him has been distorted.  That simply adds insult to injury.  He wanted them to continue to see him as righteous and upright no matter what.  Yet, he still stands there arrogantly protecting his frailty.  A mighty and strong warrior till the end… far.  Within all Job’s monologues, we constantly hear I did this, and I did that…I, I, I……and then occasionally God.  The show piece here is Job’s good works, how He provides etc.  He even is bowing his chest out to God…..ooops!

He lists along set of rhetorical questions for God to answer. He is basically in God’s face demanding: is this what my “good God” does?  Tell me what I have done, common’ tell me so I can defend myself!  He is bating God for an argument all for the purpose of closing Him down – he wants this to end.  These actions are where fear of vulnerability and self righteousness part ways.  There is a grand collision about to take place!

I found one thing Job stated particularly of interest, when he said “if I call and he answered (God) I would not believe that He was listening to my voice”.  To me this infers that Job did not believe that God would talk to him, counsel him or even waste His time in his presence.  Was Job going to waste his time seeking a God he believed was doing all this to him? 

Job then moves into realizing that these so called friends are not able to help him.  They are no more intelligent than he is.   He is now stepping out of the presence of the crowd that has gathered and separating himself from that mentality.  This is awesome!  The next positive steps Job makes is to humble himself by giving God back his authority.  He actually opens up some options to God and requests that their communication be on God’s terms.  Wow, good stuff!  With sincerity he wants to know what he has done.  He is asking now.

Job also makes a statement that his words are done.  God is so patient, he allowed Job to reach the end of his “self” without destroying him.  How very loving, He never left him unattended.  He was listening to him this whole time.  He finally answers Job’s questions, but he used a language Job could understand; rhetorical questions, firm speech, authoritative. 

God was not sarcastic, although a cynical heart would perceive it as such.  God simply stated the facts and proposed that Job give it his best shot to take His place.  Is this what happened with Lucifer, was God in His goodness giving him his own world to “do it better then”?

Job needed to be tested so that he could see his pride.  God saw him as righteous but in order for Job to “reach his righteousness” he had to journey through this territory of discovering, uncovering, repenting, and liberating his heart and mind so that he could be transformed into His righteousness.

These friends couldn’t help him because they were using theories, facts and judging Job.  They didn’t really know him personally, nor did they have much wisdom from living as they spoke.  So they truly were not even close with God or Job. 

Job was doing this with God.  It is like when we try to imitate celebrities or when stalkers think they have this intimate relationship with people objectifying them for their own pleasurable feelings.  It is all relational delusions.  All this being said, by the standards of Gods “law” Job was “perfect”, but as Satan said Job was blessed and comfortably “able” to make sacrifices, help others and what not. Contrary to the whole “kept man” theory of satans though, Job did, in his own human way, “love God”, and felt that he was righteous and fervent toward God’s ways.  He really was trying, but it was askew. 

So there was a bull’s-eye on his pride, God needed to put an arrow in the heart of the matter.  Why?  Simple – he does not desire sacrifice, he wants relationship……His own relationships with us individually and a family relating as a family unto Him. 

His bull’s-eye was Job’s continuous justifications of things – they all stemmed from fear which was the soft spot.  Love cannot operate without brokenness and harm in fear.  That is why God must cast it out. 

Perfect love casts out fear.  The one who fears is not perfected in love.

Today, I ask that you look for the bull’s-eye of fear in your lives.  Where is the soft spot you are guarding?  Ask God to be your strong tower and protect your heart above all else.  He will tell “you” to protect your heart above all else, but he has the walls and vengeance covered.  He does not want any blood on your hands, or your blood to be shed.  He is just that “kind” of God.


My prayers covering you as the blanket they are meant to be,

With Love and a holy Kiss,


August 24, 2011

Judah's Integrity Test

"I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl" (Job 31:1).

In Genesis 38, we read how Judah, one of Joseph's brothers, allowed his purity - and the staff that represented his stature and position in the community - to be taken from him.
Tamar was deprived by Judah of having children in memory of her husband which was the custom of the day if a husband died. Under the law, Judah did a great injustice to his daughter-in-law. Although Tamar lived in Judah's house, Judah withheld his son from her.
So Tamar devised a plan. Hearing that Judah planned to go to the town of Timnah, she disguised herself with a veil and hurried to the village of Enaim. She posed as a Canaanite prostitute and waited for Judah to pass by. Soon, Judah came up, saw a prostitute sitting at the gate, and propositioned her and promised a goat for payment.
Tamar asked for a pledge - the personal seal and the staff in his hand. The staff was the symbol of Judah's position in the community. So Judah gave her the staff and the seal with its cord. He slept with Tamar, and she became pregnant.
Time passed and Judah discovered Tamar was pregnant. He knew that there was only one way this could have happened - she had prostituted herself! Enraged, Judah said, "Bring her out and have her burned to death!"
As the people brought Tamar out to be executed, she cried out, "I am pregnant by the man who owns these!" She held in her hands the seal and staff of Judah. Seeing them, Judah knew he stood convicted. He broke down and confessed, "She is more righteous than I am!"
Sexual sin can take everything away from a man or woman; their reputation, their career, and even their family. No matter how strong we think we are, no one is immune from temptation. Pray that God's grace keeps you pure.    ~TGIF Today God Is First Volume 2 by Os Hillman

August 23, 2011

Faith Proved Genuine

"Even one of their own prophets has said, 'Cretans are always liars, evil brutes, lazy gluttons.' This testimony is true. Therefore, rebuke them sharply, so that they will be sound in the faith and will pay no attention to Jewish myths or to the commands of those who reject the truth" (Titus 1:12-15).

In December 1983, The Princeton Religion Research Center published a landmark survey conducted for The Wall Street Journal by the Gallup Organization. The researchers measured a wide range of moral and ethical behaviors, such as calling in sick when not sick, cheating on income tax, and pilfering company supplies for personal use. The results were disappointing, to say the least.
But what the researchers found most startling was that there was no significant difference between the churched and the unchurched in their ethics and values on the job. In other words, despite the fact that more and more people were attending churches, churches seemed to be having less and less of an impact on the moral fiber of their people, at least in the workplace.
To quote the researchers: "These findings will come as a shock to the religious leaders and underscore the need for religious leaders to channel the new religious interest in America not simply into religious involvement but in deep spiritual commitment."
"Either these are not the gospels, or we're not Christians," said Thomas Linacre, Henry VIII's doctor and Renaissance thinker, after given the four gospels in Greek. Linacre recognized a great disparity between those who proclaimed Christ and how they lived their lives.
If our faith life is not validated through our behavior then one must question if we even have a genuine relationship with Christ. The apostle Paul didn't like what he saw in the believers on the island of Crete. They proclaimed Christ with their mouth, but their behavior looked no different than those who did not claim Christ.
Pray that your faith is "proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed" (1 Peter 1:7-8).  ~TGIF Today God Is First Volume 2 by Os Hillman

Today, I pray that the I's become We's so that there is truly no ONE alone.  Ask yourself today, is what I am doing for good about "the good of WE" or "the want of ME".  If you cannot be honest with yourself, you cannot be honest with anyone else....not truly honest and that means not even God.  What ever we hide here is hidden from from heaven - meaning we have no forgiveness due to lack of repentence.  That is what rebellion is - Christ said, judge for yourself....   Are you even judging yourself?  This is what we must do and why we are called to hold others accountable for their actions.  This is Love.....if you do not do this your love is a lie - Sorry....just saying, (Know I start with myself before I ever post a thing =D )

With Love....True Love for you all,

August 22, 2011

When There Is No One Else....There Is God

When they have all left, still I wait
My hurt is too deep; beyond my reach
My tears form a valley as they flow
They drip to a halt; the saltiness I taste
Their out pour seems a wadi to my soul
As my flesh starts to burn, I beg, “Rain More!”
“Squelch this sensation before it meets the pain”

My temples start to throb; the shaking ceased
In the aftermath of shock I still wait
As the new wave begins, hope rises up
Reminding me all is well with my soul
His spirit counsels as I lay self low
His sweet whispers and gentle love rush to my side
 Saying “Rest, precious soul, in my peace”
“Now your will does not falter, by Grace”
In His mercy you may arise through your faith
And In time, the pain will be remembered no more
But today, let’s just take time to weep
You may groan as my spirit with you grieves

Be wary of any ploy to pull you aside
Some may use your weakened state for their means
Do not be alarmed, simply rest in His arms
Knowing He carries you safely through each day
For at just the right time, He heard your cry
And dying once for all, He ensures peace.

Candace Huffmaster
©2011 All Rights Reserved

August 19, 2011

Prayer in Prose ~ In Peace

In Peace cropped

Good morning Daddy ~

How I need you this day
Prepare my heart in your presence
Explore the deep things I know not
Perceive my intent with your wisdom
In holiness counsel my mind.

You and you alone are my strong tower
My watchman interceding for my life
I wait for your guidance and instruction
For my knowledge is from my own mind

I ask for reparation in your presence
Since I released all the bondage of the past
I liberate all those in its power
I desire all to be free in your will

Show me the ancient ways everlasting
The path protected by your agape love
Lead me not into temptation
Deliver me into your Zoë world

This day is filled with your mercy
I flourish because of your grace
Rise in me, lifting me higher
To extend my continence in faith

You alone are Lord God and Almighty
Your hand keeps me safe for your sake
The will of your presence is upon me
To be complete as I’m sealed with your name

Rain upon us the provision of a True Father
Increase your family one by one
Bear your lineage as you join us together
Give birth to the heritage spoken long ago

In peace we will travel among others
Leading truth in the light of each day
We pray for them now to be waiting
For them to see as your glory walks past

We request that their ears hear you call them
That they rejoice as they fall into their place
Let it Be as the Father has desired
a body, His body and His own.

In Love…..with Christ

August 13, 2011

When The Works Won't Come

I know that all of us have been struggling, specifically for the past few weeks.  I have been diligently trying to be still and allow God to be God.  Even that has been trying for me.  Forgive me for the silence as far as devotions are concerned.  I simply have not been able to pull my thoughts together - even now I am using one from October 08 to give me strength at this time. 
I pray that it encourages all of us to pray for others and love them - as we allow ourselves time out of love for ourselves.  When we do this we are showing God how much we love Him.  After all He is within each of us so when we love each other we are simply loving Him - but do not be fooled, when we do not love others we are not loving God.  This cannot be truth if it does not work the same both ways.
I love each of you and pray that you feel His loving arms safeguarding you as you rest in sweet slumber.
From Joyce Meyer devotional ‘starting you day right”
Romans 2:7 ampl
To those who by patient persistence in well-doing (springing from piety)seek (unseen but sure) glory and honor and (the eternal blessedness of) immorality, He will give eternal life.

In Proverbs, Wisdom says: “Blessed (happy fortunate and to be envied) is the man who listens to me, watching daily at my gates, waiting at the posts of my doors” (8:34)  Many people seem to jump from one thing to another, when what they need is wisdom and consistency.  It is important to keep on keeping on – doing what you know is right, even if you are the only one doing it.  God is on your side (see Romans 8:31) and He has already written the end of the Book.  Those who obey Him will win.

When I was studying this today, I remembered the verse 2 Corinthians 4:8-18
 we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body. For we who live are constantly being delivered over to death for Jesus' sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. So death works in us, but life in you. But having the same spirit of faith, according to what is written, "I  BELIEVED, THEREFORE I SPOKE," we also believe, therefore we also speak, knowing that He who raised the Lord Jesus will raise us also with Jesus and will present us with you. For all things are for your sakes, so that the grace which is spreading to more and more people may cause the giving of thanks to abound to the glory of God. Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal.

I was reminded, as I am daily that this life is about seeing with Gods eyes.  Witnessing to His goodness, giving glory to His righteousness and living throughout all this journey with faithfulness to His protection and love which covers the multitude of our sins. 
Each day brings its own troubles – this is true and we were told this in advance.  God is so loving that He did not want us to be deceived.  He is truthful, honest, loving.  But the rest of the story is this:
He told us there would be days like this, days in which we did not understand, would feel over taken, scared, fearful and broken but He did not stop there He finished strong with this: But take courage I have overcome the world
Read it in the full context – It is our buoy in the storm.  Praise God
John 16:28-33
 "I came forth from the Father and have come into the world; I am leaving the world again and going to the Father." His disciples said, "Lo, now You are speaking plainly and are not using a figure of speech. "Now we know that You know all things, and have no need for anyone to question You; by this we believe that You came from God." Jesus answered them, "Do you now believe?  "Behold, an hour is coming, and has already come, for you to be scattered, each to his own home, and to leave Me alone; and yet I am not alone, because the Father is with Me. "These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world."

August 9, 2011

In Memory of Rebecca Sloan

The celebration of Rebecca's life was just as you would expect, as embracing as her wonderful hugs and filled with the easiness of her laughter.  Family and life long friends were welcoming to those of us who are relatively new friendships in comparison.  Their photo display shared the wealth of lovely times between Rebecca and all those she held most near and dear, which was such a treat!  I know if it is possible Rebecca was watching us and saying this is what it is all about....everyone I love under one roof with a common goal and all else laid aside.

Donna and Beth spoke about their deep love for Rebecca and what an incredible impact her friendship was to their lives.  They shared almost in unison their mutual beliefs and faith and I know just like Rebecca that is where their hope rests. They requested that we all support Allen as he continues to raise their boys, knowing the journey they are embarking on isn't for the faint of heart.  Donna reminded Allen of her confidence in his abilities as a father and that while he and Rebecca had their differences they had a strong mutual love for their amazing sons. 

Brother Brooks gave a wonderful eulogy, filled with all the heart felt points that Rebecca would have wanted.  He spoke of life explaining how Rebecca will never have to die again.She is alive for all eternity, it is us who are daily facing what our friend has already overcome. A few years ago his son passed away and he could imagine them up there together trying to get our attention to let us know they are absolutely fine; not to worry. He encouraged us all to look forward to the day we enter into the true home of our eternity.

The selection of music was perfect: Vince Gill, Go Rest High On That Mountain - Casting Crowns, Oh Glorious Day and Chris Tomlin's version of Amazing Grace.  We all know Rebecca had the volume cranked up and was belting out Oh Glorious Day right along with Chris!

Clair spoke about many wonderful times shared with Rebecca and how "everyone" gets mothered by her inexhaustible ability to be strong when there is a vulnerability. I am very glad that she was there and able to articulate these precious moments so that the family and friends who have been there for Rebecca form the majority of her life got a glimpse into the impact that their dear loved one had on others recently.

I spoke about Rebecca's love for words, truth and God's love.  Knowing that her hope was unable to be extinguished even in her darkest, most fragile moments because of Christ's victory in her life.  I encouraged us all to continue to press on and love as she would, encourage others as she would have, give deep friendship, loyalty, kindness to everyone ......everywhere.  That is the example that Rebecca followed and if we are to follow those same foot prints we will be unified in that eternal love which has no beginning or end.  I also shared that because of our great loss, we know we are stronger than we thought - ironically we also find we are more fragile than we thought.  However, I personally have gained a deeper understanding of my need for Love to be real, and for our faith not to fail.  I also shared a piece from CS Lewis's writings - The Problem of Pain.  Rebecca used to like me to read to her when she was really stressed or confused she stated that brought her comfort and peace.  For what ever reason it had that effect on her I am grateful - and I will be forever blessed by knowing her. 

I close with the writing of CS Lewis and pray that you give your journey into the hands of Him that helps us all find comfort:

The golden apple of selfhood, thrown among the false gods, became an apple of discord because they scrambled for it.  They did not know the first rule of the holy game, which is that every player must by all means touch the ball and then immediately pass it on.  To be found with it in your hands is a fault: to cling to it, death.  But when it flies to and fro among the players too swift for eye to follow, and the great master Himself leads the revelry, giving Himself eternally to His creatures in the generation, and back to Himself in the sacrifice, of the Word, then indeed the eternal dance 'makes heaven drowsy with the harmony'.  All pains and pleasures we have known on earth are early initiations in the movements of that dance: but the dance itself is strictly incomparable with the sufferings of this present time.  As we draw nearer to its uncreated rhythm, pain and pleasure sink almost out of sight.  There is joy in the dance, but it does not exist for the sake of joy.  It does not even exist for the sake of good, or of love.  It is Love Himself, and Good Himself, and therefore happy.  It does not exist for us, but we for it.

I know that Rebecca knew she was created first and foremost for Him alone to have a relationship with, all the rest is icing on a heavenly cake!

~Kisses, Candace

August 7, 2011

The Journey Through Grief

“The answer is the sojourn; the question and endless flight”

When a person realizes they have lost something they begin a journey. It is personal and unique yet somewhat predictable. This is wonderful news because when we realize we are not going to be able to find that which we have lost we will need support, wisdom and the strength of someone who has traveled the distance we must now go.

Most commonly the first reaction is shock. We are overwhelmed with the information which most commonly causes our brain to simply reject the news. We deny it because we cannot comprehend the facts. We ask for proof believing that surely a mistake has been made; some even get offended trying to dig up a more accessible emotion to deal with. It is not uncommon for hours or days to pass before these individuals might have any strong emotional reaction to the loss. Not believing it is real acts as a temporary shield between them and reality to buffer and afford space to cope. We must allow each person their own process and not demand they handle it as we or others do.

Some people need a time out before they deal with the pain; shock affords them this. Denial works the same way on an emotional level, the individuals dealing with loss in this way pick up the pieces of reality which they can process. This allows them to select the morsel to chew on and digest the facts as they can cope. If we press them to “face facts” we may actually cause undue trauma by not respecting their capacity to appropriately place the real facts as it pertains to “them”.  Denial, realistically, might last a few minutes or a few days. It is common for these individuals to speak of the facts but still not connect with them, meaning they are stepping forward yet still denying it on some levels. They are simply taking baby steps; we should extend the mercy given to us realizing God’s mercy and grace will greet them each morning. However, if after a few weeks they are still in denial it would be wise to encourage them to seek professional companionship to guide them on this part of their journey.

With shock there can be physical signs of distress such as pacing frantically, inability to sit in one place or remain seated, heavy breathing, deep sighs, wringing of hands or even sudden shaking of their heads. These are normal and healthy reactions when people feel threatened which causes a rush of adrenaline. Their physical business helps use up that energy as well as providing an anesthetic against those overwhelming feelings they are not ready to cope with yet.

Another common path of grief is to recoil. This usually happens when the shock and denial begins to open up as they enter into the reality of the road they are traveling. I usually tell people it is okay if you take a couple of steps out the door and run back or stop to utilize some emotions that “feel” better. What people usually tell me is that this is when they fell like their equilibrium is out of sorts. They can move rapidly between obsessive thoughts about their loved one, intense feelings of sadness, anger, guilt and loneliness as if they are on a boat being hit by waves of each. At times they will have an outburst of tears and seconds later they will be absolutely fine, then so angry to the point of tears again, which move them to feel guilt. It can be extremely confusing and scary for the individual especially if they have never experienced the loss of a loved one before. They may not desire to speak about it in fear that there is something mentally wrong with them. We need to encourage them that this process needs to be at their pace on their terms and it is okay. Also realize they might not be able to concentrate, they may panic when normally they would be steady. This is all perfectly normal and nothing to be alarmed about.

We do not want a hurting individual to seclude themselves during this journey. When this happens unexpressed emotions can cause headaches, backaches, stomach issues, depression and relationship damage so it is best to forge onward till the journeys end.

Some people try to take this journey as a road race. I would not advise that, take the time to reflect on the good times with your loved one. Sit with those memories, gather with others who loved them, laugh, remember, linger and embrace each other. Remember, there will be good day, better days and worse days. However the ratio should be moving toward more good days than bad, more laughs about silly things than tears and even days that you do not think about them at all. It’s okay, they would want you to go back to living, hoping and embracing others while they are preparing your eternal home.

If you would like more information on The Journey of Grief please contact a member of Kaleidoscope Butterfly, Inc. we want to reach through your chaos and see true beauty emerge.

Candace Huffmaster

Kaleidoscope Butterfly, Inc ®
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August 6, 2011

The Window


I am dedication this to our sister Rebecca Sloan who now abides forever in His peace and joy. I pray that we all think about her sweet face meeting us as we too go home……one fine day. I lift up each of our grieving hearts to find comfort in His secret abode.

With Love,



The Window

Me inside; the elements out

The pain of glass between

The rain pelting down

From the swift moving forms

With weight so clear to see


Desiring the wet

To singe on my face

And run down

As the tears I can’t release


The pain before me

Stops the moist drops

So I sit, I watch: no emotion is drawn


Oh, to be that glass

Feel the wind and the rain

To pass through, even to the other side


Do I dare take a chance

To open up to the storm

Or stay safe in my home element free?


The pleasure of the rain

My mind peers to pursue

The sensation beyond the singe:

The cool to sink deep

To overcome the heat

To experience some comfort at last


The breeze which moves

The clouds in, through and past

To swaddle my freshly washed flesh

To sit in and see

Feeling trapped to live life

As I watch every element drift


My moment has passed

The rain letting up

The brightness of the sun is breaking through

Too intense to look out

So I turn my eyes in,

Close them softly and think of the day

When all will be done

And my savior will come

To release all weight holding me down


My peace comes from Him

No matter the day

The time or the season I’m in

My skin He will cool

And my tears He knows well—

No longer needing this world to absorb


We all have our hurts

It’s encouragement we need…..

The strength to get through “this” day

So again, I lay low

To lift up my pain

And the pain of the others I know


Our God sees our face

And our hearts he protects

He’s our warrior, our physician, our friend

Today when you hear

Do not harden your heart

As you did, in those earlier years.


By Candace Huffmaster

©2006 All Rights Reserved

August 5, 2011

Sometimes you must Be the beauty in chaos!

Making His Mark With Beauty
KB, Inc’s world-wide motto is alive

Hip, Hip Hooray! Now our organization is seeing beauty emerge all around the world. When we changed our "slogan" from Loving Who You Were Divinely Created To BE to Reaching Through Chaos, Seeing True Beauty Emerge we did not quiet understand why - because we knew the first one was correct. However, we had to believe in what God saw beneath the chaos in order to find the faith which enabled our perseverance to help others not only see what we saw, but believe in it.

As we began telling women and children that they were desired, loved and had a reason to not be afraid, we saw them embrace the " idea" of hope.  But as we stuck by them~ encouraging them to believe that even as God forsaken as life can feel at times, there are always lovely moments too; we noticed they were actually reaching out to grab onto that hope and tucking it away to protect it. But the day we understood with His understanding was when we saw His "beauty mark".  It was the day that all the pieces collided to perfectly mesh.  For the first time I know I saw the elusive Kaleidoscope Butterfly.  Although it was one moment it was also many and there will be many more.  Because as we are walking and relating to these lovely individuals God is revealing precious details which are transforming their minds to see that they, themselves, need to BE BEAUTY in this world of chaos.

We are witness to the fact that there is not a more beautiful sight than His hand reaching through their chaos to share in very real ways.

Our work is simple but true:
We believe True Beauty is as a seed planted within you, tenderly tucked into a deep, dark space. Alone with such dreams of grandeur, restlessly squirming, simply dying to be released! It truly believes there is something much larger and unique it is to be. It feels it could bestow beauty and goodness upon an unaesthetic world. “Just as the butterfly is always within the caterpillar – so too your beauty is fighting to take flight and ride the breeze. You are a kaleidoscope butterfly, a vision foreseen in the mind of the Great Divine. He delights in what you have to offer. He created you to rise above and be seen. So flutter your jagged, shattered pieces in His sunlight. His hand merges all our shapes in His time. To Him we are not missing or broken we are His Delight and perfect in His sight.

We make our request known and know it is His will:
Do not look with your eyes to perceive reality. Do not allow this world to diminish what He sees. Push through the weight trying to hold and bury you. Stand tall in His continence, mercy and grace. Reach up and out with your arms wide. Turn your face to be set on the sun. Allow your bud to blossom. Be open for all to see and embrace. Release the joy in your heart for their pleasure. Allow it to pour out, free. Keep it flowing till the scent of it rises - as a fragrant offering of what you believe all heaven can now see.

So allow us to encourage you "BE the Beauty in chaos no one can stop you – honest!"

With the Love of our Christ,

August 4, 2011

Purpose of KB, Inc ~ A Beautiful Unity

It is not difficult to understand what Kaleidoscope Butterfly Inc was founded to "BE".  What is difficult is for me to explain with clarity for others to be able to comprehend it's complexity.  Although it is true that this organization was given a "legal" status in 2007 as a 5031C corp.  It's true beginning and establishment started many years prior. 

Believing that our organization is truthfully more of an organism in a larger complete body is the best place to start obtaining comprehension of how we operate and live within a Common Unity of people.  Our abilities are only limited by lack of understanding both on our part and the part of those we work within, alongside etc.  We believe all things are "doable" when we put our own agendas aside to focus on the greater good to be done outside of our "self". 

Here is what we were founded on:

How to show that God is Real, Christ is Alive and His spirit is willing to help everyone who is willing to give Him the opportunity to help. 

How to show others that we believe and desire to allow Christ to live out loud entwining us within all He desires to Be.

How to be available to show up within the precious moments of His timing to be there with Him as He is there ever present helper in their time of trouble.

Although I did not understand all He was showing me - piece by piece, I trusted Him to be doing a really, really good thing.  So I prayed this prayer:

Dearest Father Hallowed be they name, I come before you seeking your words to share put your passion into pen and paper -  to open the heart of the one in need .I desire to serve you father unceasingly , infuse my mind and walk. Let me understand your purposes of each conversation and moment so that I can be most effective and learn.
I understand it is about life and death, both today or on the final day.

"As long as it is still called today do not harden your hearts as they did in the past. Seek me in times of trouble and joy so that you may have abundance. Your abundance is not for your glory and comfort but to be diligent in my mission. My mission is the work of our Father. You are to constantly intercede for those less able to encourage their growth and lead them all. I was the example and first life of salvation. You are to continue in my ways. Do not stand and watch the fire feeling helpless, get involved in their salvation. Plant your feet solid and lend a hand. Their earthly comforts will be met. That is important and a way to show them compassion, but it is only a tool for your true job which is to save them from eternal fire. I will provide the situations but you must be available to work. I will provide the skills, you must provide the trust. I will provide the salvation, you must have the faith. I gave you ears to hear them crying, eyes to seek them out, hands to reach and help them, and a heart to lead them home."  "Talk to Them!"

Knowing these things and trusting that they good things flowing down from the Father we believe these are our purposes:

1. To Open the door of faith (Acts 14:26)

2. To Equip all for service - building up the body of Christ. The common goal being to attain the unity of the faith and the knowledge of the Son of God to a mature man to the measure of the stature which belongs to the fullness of Christ (Eph 4:11-14)

3. To Encourage one another and build up one another. Appreciate those who diligently labor among us and give instruction. To Esteem them very highly in love because of their work (1Thes 5:11-15)

4. To Be sober in all things, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry (2Tim 4:4)

We believe that we "as a unified body" are all empowered - this being our prayer:


May the God of peace who brought up from the dead the great Shepard of the sheep through the blood of the eternal covenant Jesus our lord, equip you in every good thing to do His will working in us that which is pleasing in His sight through Jesus Christ to whom the glory for ever, and ever amen.

We trust and have confidence in the living word of Christ Jesus when He spoke this promise to us:
John 14:14
If you ask me anything in my name I will do it.

We know that we outside of God's will, Christs body working through His spirit none of this is possible. What we do we do not do for us, we do it for Christ, His glory and His name sake.  That is ALL we have and the only good thing that will stand us for all eternity.

Our purpose is Love and each person that has ever been on the face of this earth was desired by and the Cause for this love of His.  We pray that all come to the knowledge and the saving grace of that Love - eternally.

IN Christ and He in us,

August 2, 2011

Don't Rescue Me from THAT!

Psalms 31:1,2, 19-24  Your kindness is so great! You reserve it for those who fear you. Adam's descendants watch as you show it to those[For the choir director; a psalm by David.] I have taken refuge in you, O LORD. Never let me be put to shame. Save me because of your righteousness. Turn your ear toward me. Rescue me quickly. Be a rock of refuge for me, a strong fortress to save me.

Your kindness is so great! You reserve it for those who fear you. Adam's descendants watch as you show it to those who take refuge in you. You hide them in the secret place of your presence from those who scheme against them. You keep them in a shelter, safe from quarrelsome tongues. Thank the LORD! He has shown me the miracle of his mercy in a city under attack. When I was panic-stricken, I said, "I have been cut off from your sight." But you heard my pleas for mercy when I cried out to you for help. Love the LORD, all you godly ones! The LORD protects faithful people, but he pays back in full those who act arrogantly. Be strong, all who wait with hope for the LORD, and let your heart be courageous.

As I am growing in my experiential knowledge of reality, I am always amazed at how little on what I thought to be real was even real.  Yet if you had asked me in the past I would have make definite claims of my certainty.  It is mind boggling! 

So much of God's word is directed to understanding all this.  However, we must live a conscious existence in order to perceive it.  When did we, as a society decide it was alright to blame everything on our subconscious ways?  What has happened to accountability?  And I do not mean finger pointing piety, I mean loving, encouraging wisdom as protection from what would be done out of ignorance.  As a gross generalization I see us all taking a step back in our compassion as we allow others to "live and learn".  How cold and callous we have become.  What if God were like that?  He would be no different than man.  We do not want a God like that so we create a God that allows us to do what ever we want to do in ignorance and wallow in the blood of Christ to try and ease the grieving spirit within us. 

We are made in God's image, we were created to care, give aid, take the steps when rejected to keep caring and to speak up even when we know it is going to be met with strife and hostility.  AND then we are supposed to keep praying for the complete power of God to never give up on them, to press around them and whisper sweet truths till they can't live separated from Him any longer. 

We do not rescue them but when God desires to utilize us, equip us to physically get involved whether it be showing them snares up ahead, exposing false imaginations or simply extending peace, love and charity isn't it the least we can do.  After all He allowed us to reject Him, beat him, spit on him, kill him and then he went to hell and back for us.  And we think we've been through a lot!

I have a favor to ask of you -even if just for the next few minutes you just sit with Christ and tell him how much you love him and how sorry you are for taking him for granite at times - for minimizing what he went through for you / us.  Then just be in his presence with no expectations.  Simply allow him to have a couple of seconds with you to enjoy all he gave up so that he could be with you today.

In love with you all - through Christ,

August 1, 2011

Is That Your Final Answer?

All of the Deeply Series is discovering the deep seated beliefs we have anchored in our soul.  This is the reason that we preface the groups with this overview:
Deeply is all about the decisions that we have to make if we are going to believe that God is who He says He is.  If we do believe this we will create a healthy fear in the Lord.
This does not mean that we are against discussing doubts, fears, ambiguity, frustration and everything that might seem to oppose what we are working toward.  Remember we include Trip, Fall, Fly in all that we do.  We are not here to impose legalism, denomonationalism (is that even a word) or pluralism.  We are here to create relationships: give compassion, empathy, understanding, wisdom, discernment, silence with an embracing arm, listening ear and Christ centered efforts.

Our purpose is always to expose our false reality in a way to create a catalyst for honest righteous changes in our lives - starting with our thinking to work out in our relationships Ultimately to honor God through a life which is flourishing in the sight of everyone.

So what is stopping this from happening in YOUR life?  We each must answer this question?  Is it even something you desire is the first question?  If not, why?  What do you feel would be a negative toward you?  What ever it is stems from a fear.  Can you isolate the fear to take a look at it?

Since we are always in a process - and thus process oriented ( or should be, you know my pet peeve with goal orientation) lets look at the process finding some of the chairs we have given out allowing those poaching thoughts to stick around and become beliefs.

Understanding that what ever is sitting in that chair is a real object to us it will play the part of our subject.  The actions we take to keep it in that seat undisturbed is what we believe.  Are you still with me so far?

Before we offer this object a chair we go through a process of gathering proof to prove to our self that our final answer is "yes, this subject will be given a chair.  It is now in the deep seat section orchestrating our thoughts. 

There is a parallel lane on this highway of proof to proven that we travel.  This lane is grief to grieving.  Avoidance keeps us on this road way.  What are we avoiding? Discomfort!  We all know that growth requires stretching ourselves.  We watch this day in and day out with children as their bodies stretch high and fill out.  We know all about growth pains, but they're not that big of a deal, right?  So why do we avoid it in maturing, increasing intellectually, relationally?  Why do we perceive obstacles as negative?  Remember the wall in "The Last Lecture"  it is only there to see how determined you are.  That is a great thing!

Here are a couple of interesting tid-bits:

When looking up some etymology of English words decide came from the formation of words meaning to decide and the ion added forming our word decision means suspicion, suspend, conversion, convert, compulsion, compel.

We are the object in another arena - we are the object in a battle taking place between truth and deception.  There is a seat with your name and it is just for you in each orchestra pit.  Will you suspend your decision long enough to gather all the facts?

What if we believe in God's promises long enough to see that He will prove the theories are incomplete?  What if we simply get more afraid of the illusion of the oncoming pain, discomfort, grief and abandon His faithfulness right when we would have had the proof we needed?  Remember He promised to never leave us nor to forsake us. 

Aren't we even the least bit fearful of calling God a liar by the seat we take -the seat we give to belief through the actions we believe and call truth? 

Think about it.
Write about it.
Share it with me / us here or in group Friday.

My prayer is that we will make the decision to decide that we believe in what is holy, lovely and pure then to be truth, be light and BE truly beautiful in all we say do and walk out.

(By the way - that is what one of our t-shirts are having printed on them - Be truth , Be light, believe - and the other is Be True Beauty ~ be beauty in chaos)  Let you all know when they are finished!

Kisses in Christ,

computer access difficulty

Hi All:

Not a great computer week.  The posts possibly will not make it to your seperate e-mail accounts - so use the web site this week.  We are bringing some past pieces into what we are currently studying.

I look forward to seeing and hearing from you soon,